Post by Hank Williams on Nov 24, 2005 9:33:20 GMT -5
You Might Be A Redneck If . . .
. . . you were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45’s.
. . . you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
. . . your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.
. . . you no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got caught up your nose.
. . . you think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
. . . that billboard that says, “Say No To Crack” reminds you to pull up your jeans.
. . . your wife’s hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan.
. . . you go to your family reunions looking for a date.
. . . you think a Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy.
. . . your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
. . . you’ve got more than three cousins named “Bubba”.
. . . you have an Elvis Jell-O mold.
. . . taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
. . . you’ve got more than one other named “Darryl”.
. . . you ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin’ contest.
. . . on Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
. . . you’ve ever come home and found crime scene tape across your front porch.
. . . your favorite entree is Spam barbecued on the grill.
. . . your child’s first words were, “Attention K-Mart shoppers!”.
. . . your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.
. . . your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin’.
. . . you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
. . . you kissed your own wife at midnight at the New Year’s Eve party.
. . . you’ve ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.
. . . you’ve ever gotten an official letter of recognition from a tobacco or beer company.
. . . you vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.
. . . you’ve ever valet parked a snow plow.
. . . you’ve ever stood in line to have your picture made with a freak of nature.
. . . you break wind in public and blame it on your kid.
. . . you’ve ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck.
. . . you were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45’s.
. . . you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
. . . your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.
. . . you no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got caught up your nose.
. . . you think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
. . . that billboard that says, “Say No To Crack” reminds you to pull up your jeans.
. . . your wife’s hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan.
. . . you go to your family reunions looking for a date.
. . . you think a Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy.
. . . your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
. . . you’ve got more than three cousins named “Bubba”.
. . . you have an Elvis Jell-O mold.
. . . taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
. . . you’ve got more than one other named “Darryl”.
. . . you ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin’ contest.
. . . on Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
. . . you’ve ever come home and found crime scene tape across your front porch.
. . . your favorite entree is Spam barbecued on the grill.
. . . your child’s first words were, “Attention K-Mart shoppers!”.
. . . your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.
. . . your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin’.
. . . you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
. . . you kissed your own wife at midnight at the New Year’s Eve party.
. . . you’ve ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.
. . . you’ve ever gotten an official letter of recognition from a tobacco or beer company.
. . . you vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.
. . . you’ve ever valet parked a snow plow.
. . . you’ve ever stood in line to have your picture made with a freak of nature.
. . . you break wind in public and blame it on your kid.
. . . you’ve ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck.
